Though I Might Go Back for Leavenworth: Prison Guards!

Because of recent posts about Mr. Famous Writer/Actor and a highway patrolman, I thought I might start a second blog called “People I’ve Wanted to Have Sex With.” It wouldn’t be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. That’s probably when I applied for grad school in psychology, thinking I’d become a therapist.

Dr. Kahler: “So, you’re depressed about your job?”

Client: “Yes, doctor. My boss is mean (sniffle), the work is boring (sob), and with the meager wages I can’t even pay my…”

Dr. Kahler: “Right, right. Serious problems. Have you considered ditching your job and going on the road for an indefinite amount of time in a tiny yet comfortable RV? Wouldn’t that be fun? No bosses on the road, ha ha! I’m just saying.”

[Sound of slamming door as client escapes in search of an actually helpful therapist.]

You get the idea.

I offer today’s post as a respite from Thursday’s perversity, so instead of porn fantasies I’m injecting some wholesome goodness into your day – pictures from the trip to pick up Sadie.

First morning on the road (p.s. it’s hard to take great pictures while driving):

The Rockies loom, barely.

A horse made of scrap metal and old tools in Hill City, SD:

I Heart Recycling

I visited Mom on the way, and her friend owns Bear Country, a fabulous drive-through habitat for bears (natch) and other mountain creatures. I’m not a fan of zoos or animal parks, because it seems cruel and unnatural to keep animals penned up for human entertainment. But at Bear Country the animals are extremely well cared for, have lots of room to roam, and the staff make a big point of educating visitors about the importance of protecting wildlife.

Whoa, that got serious for a second. More photos! When you drive through you have to keep the windows rolled up because, you know, BEARS EAT PEOPLE, so excuse the glare:

The bear on the left is not a plush toy.

Bears need quiet time too.

Also, prayer.

Leaving Rapid City, I headed for Backus, MN. Backus has a population of 311, which I assume means almost everyone in town is a Scamp employee or related to one. Like a town that springs up around a military base, without the rocket launchers and crewcuts. I wondered if I’d have a hard time finding the plant, but they made it easy:

Scamp International HQ

Other highlights included an Abilene, KS billboard announcing “We Still Like Ike!” (versus Nixon, presumably), and Colorado wants you to know “Happiness is a crock of beans.” (I have no idea.) Crossing the Continental Divide on the way to Fargo, ND made me feel small, in a good way.

Iowa was foggy, and Kansas was windy, as in Dorothy and Toto windy. Sadie pulled behind me like a cranky mule the whole way – and crossing Kansas east to west is a lot of whole way. My gas gauge plummeted, Sadie complained, and despite the Adult Superstore billboards, the landscape was, uh, less than engaging after the first 50 miles of this:

‘Nuff said.

I try not to speak badly about anyone or anything, but Internet, you heard it here: Kansas was tedious. A sign when you leave Kansas and cross into Colorado says something like, We hope you’ll come back and see us soon! and as I passed it I said with total sincerity, HELL NO.