When I finished my MFA in New York in 2010, I was at a crossroads.
I could stay in New York, in my tiny Upper East Side apartment, and continue teaching creative writing and working at the Feminist Press. I wouldn’t make a ton of money but I could pay my bills, and even though I’d be working a ton of hours, I’d get to stay in that most exciting of cities. My friends there encouraged me to sell my house in Taos and settle in New York, because why on earth would I leave if I’d already started building a life for myself there?
Or, I could move back to Taos and do something else.
In the months leading up to graduation I weighed those options, making pro and con lists for each. New York had endless career opportunities but it was expensive and crowded, while Taos had almost zero career opportunities, but it was inexpensive and there was room to breathe.
While the debate was going on, I went to Taos for a long weekend to check on my house. I landed in Albuquerque, still very much in New York hurry-up mode, striding through the airport to get a shuttle.
I glanced out the window and saw the huge New Mexico sky, like a beacon drawing me to it. I walked to the glass and stood stock still, taking in all that cloudless blue, and burst into tears. The sky with its clean air and endless horizon – it didn’t matter that I had no idea what I’d do, I just knew I wasn’t ready to give it up. I left New York and moved back to Taos that July.
Three months later I fulfilled a long-time dream and bought the tiniest of trailers and christened her Sadie. Six months after that Sam the Wonder Pup arrived. Since then there have been grand adventures as well as writing, photography, and an online business. Breakups and reconciliations. Health scares. Bottoming out and climbing back up.
You know, life.
The other night at Balboa Park I captured this image of the organ pavilion, and it weirdly reminded me of that day at the Albuquerque airport. Another beautiful blue beacon and me at the crossroads again, waiting for the show to start.
To the show, I say: bring it. I have no idea what’s coming next, but I’m ready. Are you?
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8 Comments
Hmmm hints you give! Not quite ready for next but getting closer. Job is kinda sucky as is weather and don’t laugh but Taos is actually on my list of places to check on for possible changes in the future (read retirement). I have “plans” in a lose sense (or dreams or). A few locations I’m going to be looking into going towards as a landing spot and then the trailer to see and photograph and learn about others (and the dogs of course). Short term, trying to get through this stupid winter and have lots on the agenda for fun stuff the rest of the year!
Good luck!
Sherry – You should absolutely consider Taos! Dreams are just plans in liquid form. Meanwhile, get through the stupid winter so you’ll be ready for all that fun stuff. 🙂
I am feeling this! I left the midwest for Taos nearly 11 years ago. And I thought I’d never want to live anywhere but the American west, with its gorgeous skies, the mountains, the sunsets, the FOOD. But somehow I’m feeling homesick for a town I’ve never lived in: Champaign, Illinois, where I was born. I did visit there often growing up, and lived part-time nearby, but it’s a strange pull. It’s not gorgeous, it’s not dramatic… but it feels… like home. Maybe.
This could just be a restlessness, but I’m just not sure!
Mel – So interesting! It’s important that Champaign “feels like home,” even if you don’t know why you’re drawn to it. Follow that feeling. Maybe there’s something there that you’re ready for now, something you may or may not have to move there to get. At the very least, I’d say a visit is in order. 🙂
Yes! We were going to go in April, but it’s been postponed – s’okay. But I definitely agree I need to explore this feeling. 🙂
You know, we’ve been trying to figure out for several years where we should retire. The only thing we know for sure is that it needs to be NOT in California. California has ZERO going for it except the weather. In recent years, I’m bothered more and more by the cold, so I want somewhere that it doesn’t snow. That’s hugely limiting. Then there’s the question of our adult disabled son, who lives in a group home. We want to take him with us, so it has to be a state that offers similar support services. All states are NOT created equal in this regard. Yes, of course there are the obvious choices – Arizona, Florida. We lived in Florida the first year we were married while my husband was in Navy flight school. I loathed everything about it. Phoenix? 120 degrees in the summer. That’s altogether TOO hot. Las Vegas? We went there to check it out and were mighty impressed until, on our drive home, we did $5K worth of damage to our brand-new car by driving through multiple sandstorms (and there were stories in the Vegas newspaper saying that these storms have happened many years in March).
I didn’t mean for this comment to get this lengthy. I know there’s no perfect place. But I only want to make one move. How do I know when we’ve found the right place to land? It’s a risk.
Deborah – Your comment isn’t too long, and thank you for sharing your story! You’ve got both desires and constraints, like we all do. And it is a risk, because you have to let go of something with every choice you make. Keep researching, keep exploring, visit the places that sound interesting and fit your criteria. Notice how you feel. Can you see yourself settling there? Maybe? And if it’s maybe, could you spend more time there, in a rented apartment or house so it feels like you’re living there and not just visiting, and see how that feels? If you set up some safeguards (like not selling your house right away), and really open yourself up to feeling what’s in your heart, you’ll know when and where to go.
Good advice, as always. I looked at model homes online today in Phoenix and Austin and was disimpressed with inventories in both places. :/ Researched alligators in Florida – they’re in ALL 67 COUNTIES. Nope, nope, nope. Looked at the weather in Raleigh – too much snow. Sigh. Kill me now. haha