Scamp Porn 4: Fitness on the Road (video)

It’s a struggle to stay fit on the road, or in any situation where you don’t have the right gear or can’t get to a gym or don’t even have the time for more physical activity than is required to make toast.

I want the muscles I had before New York, especially the ones on the sides of my waist that make me look all buff. Also, an ass that at least pretends to be perky.

I want to look at myself in the mirror and purr, “Mama, you are hot,” then grab my crotch and make smooching noises. I want to glimpse myself in a window’s reflection and try to get me into bed. I want to think about having sex with myself all the time. (Which, at the rate I’m going, is the only person I’ll be having sex with anyway. And to be honest, it’s not the worst thing.)

Who’s with me?

The thing is, staying fit and healthy aren’t options. We must make the time now (and always) if we want to keep adventuring into old age. Here’s my On-the-Road Fitness Plan:

  • 1 hour hike or walk every day. This won’t be hard to do when I’m Scamping in parks, but if there isn’t anywhere scenic I’ll just walk 30 minutes in one direction, and 30 minutes back.
  • 20 minutes of yoga a day. Sadie doesn’t have enough floor space for me to do this inside, so I’ll have to take my Rodney Yee DVD and laptop and do it outside. If I can crawl around under restaurant tables without shame, I can do yoga in public.
  • I ordered these exercise bands, and though I don’t know what they recommend yet, I’m guessing it’s a 3x/week workout.

My goal is to get back down to 122 lbs. by March 31, 2011. You’d think that would be easy since I only have six pounds to go. It has not been easy. Apparently my willpower is on its own Scampabout and refuses to come home.

Other healthy body tricks:

  • Maybe when you’re not traveling you workout on cardio machines, and know you should do 45 minutes, but that seems long. (Many experts say 45 is best.) Break it up into two chunks: 30 minutes on a preset pattern (not manual – boring), then another 15 minutes on a preset with no break in between. You do 45 minutes, but the last 15 seem so much easier.
  • Do some sort of stretching or yoga every day. Your joints, back, and muscles will thank you. I started doing yoga for five minutes a day, and now I’m up to 20. It’s a no-brainer – you do something daily, you get better at it and it becomes more pleasurable. (Ahem.)
  • Weighing yourself once a week makes sure you don’t get too far off track.
  • Make a list of healthy foods on the computer – e.g. turkey burgers, frozen blueberries, vegetables for roasting, walnuts – print a few out, and take one with you to the store.
  • Cut down on carbs. I rely too heavily on bread – everything’s better in a sandwich! – and it makes me puffy. Consider switching to Ezekiel bread (it’s low glycemic), and quinoa and brown rice instead of pasta.
  • Cut down on processed foods. Read anything by Michael Pollan and you’ll know why.
  • Learn to make a few easy, healthy dishes. Here’s Mark Bittman’s take on it.
  • If you splurge today, back it off tomorrow. Balance.

We can do this. One healthy change every day will get us on the path to real fitness, despite the lure of diner food and the spread that happens when you drive all day. Because I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to give up hot turkey sandwiches and ranch dressing altogether.

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